As with all cases of trial and error, I've come to learn a few things from my past relationships. The one thing that I found to be the most common was that the men in my life always thought of me as a doormat; now i'm really not that much of a pushover and I have ended up leaving all those men for taking advantage of me and mistreating me and the one comment they all had after I left was "I never thought you'd leave!" As in- "I never thought you were strong enough".
However I am strong enough, that was never the case; the case was that in between the meet-you and leave-you I tend to forgive and forget way too much, tend to try to avoid the fight instead of tackle it head on, and so on, because i'm a naturally easy-going and peaceful person. Apparently that has given the impression of weakness and desperation.
I found myself repeating over and over "do I have to be a bitch like those other girls to keep a man? Is that what they want? A self-centered, manipulative, woman who puts them in their place whenever she finds the opportunity?"
After my last relationship ended exactly like the previous ones I vowed to do things differently. I would pick men that weren't my "type" and I would ignore my usual instincts and do the opposite of what I thought to be right in every circumstance. While I may not get the best result, at least I'll be doing things differently this time.
Anyway... to get to the point:
My new relationship started a few months ago with someone that falls far from my usual category of men. Instead of silent and mysterious (the men that were like that ended up cheaters and abandoners), instead of the charismatic ego-centered bad boy (who never wanted to settle down), I picked Mr. Nice.
Mr. Nice has a steady job, he does not look like he should be parked outside an Abercrombie & Fitch store like Mr. Ego-Centered, he is average looking. He wants to start a family and is very open and honest about everything. He values family and has a great relationship with everyone. Basically, Mr. Nice is also Mr. Boring.
Anyway...to get to the point again:
Last night we had our first fight. Now I've been waiting for this because I've learned that it is a big indicator of a person's personality. I have dealt with the Ignorer and the Loud-In-Your-Face-Shouter so I was curious to see what kind this one would be.
To set the scene:
We were out on a date, it had just begun and he had said a few things on the car ride there that somewhat got on my nerves. Halfway through dinner, Mr. Nice said something that made me upset and was disrespectful. To make things worse I could tell by his attitude that he did not seem like he was going to take it back nor was it accidental. Now I had two ways to handle things:
1. My Usual Way: point out calmly and politely that he had said something disrespectful. Have him apologize and only half mean it and continue dinner (which I would hate myself for doing for the next week)
2. The Opposite Way: Escalate things. Inform him what he said was unacceptable, get up, walk out and ignore him for a while.
I chose Option #2.
I gave him my strongest "hell hath no fury" eyes as I pushed my chair back and dramatically tossed my napkin onto the table. With a flip of my hair and a few remarks I was out of there, leaving him open-mouthed and astonished.
That night he called me a dozen times and sent a couple of apologetic texts. Now no guy has ever reacted to a fight that way with me. Deciding not to give in too easily, and considering that it was late I decided to sleep and deal with it in the morning. The next morning I awoke and replied to his text informing him that he had disrespected me. After two or three back and forth texts (me keeping it as short and simple as possible, which is the opposite of my usual 3-page essay style of texts) he started to ignore me.
It has been almost an entire day of us ignoring each other which is the longest period so far. Now my old self would initiate a conversation and patch things up but I will see things through and act against my judgement.
How would you have behaved in this situation?
Do you think guys prefer strong women who put them in their place?
However I am strong enough, that was never the case; the case was that in between the meet-you and leave-you I tend to forgive and forget way too much, tend to try to avoid the fight instead of tackle it head on, and so on, because i'm a naturally easy-going and peaceful person. Apparently that has given the impression of weakness and desperation.
I found myself repeating over and over "do I have to be a bitch like those other girls to keep a man? Is that what they want? A self-centered, manipulative, woman who puts them in their place whenever she finds the opportunity?"
After my last relationship ended exactly like the previous ones I vowed to do things differently. I would pick men that weren't my "type" and I would ignore my usual instincts and do the opposite of what I thought to be right in every circumstance. While I may not get the best result, at least I'll be doing things differently this time.
Anyway... to get to the point:
My new relationship started a few months ago with someone that falls far from my usual category of men. Instead of silent and mysterious (the men that were like that ended up cheaters and abandoners), instead of the charismatic ego-centered bad boy (who never wanted to settle down), I picked Mr. Nice.
Mr. Nice has a steady job, he does not look like he should be parked outside an Abercrombie & Fitch store like Mr. Ego-Centered, he is average looking. He wants to start a family and is very open and honest about everything. He values family and has a great relationship with everyone. Basically, Mr. Nice is also Mr. Boring.
Anyway...to get to the point again:
Last night we had our first fight. Now I've been waiting for this because I've learned that it is a big indicator of a person's personality. I have dealt with the Ignorer and the Loud-In-Your-Face-Shouter so I was curious to see what kind this one would be.
To set the scene:
We were out on a date, it had just begun and he had said a few things on the car ride there that somewhat got on my nerves. Halfway through dinner, Mr. Nice said something that made me upset and was disrespectful. To make things worse I could tell by his attitude that he did not seem like he was going to take it back nor was it accidental. Now I had two ways to handle things:
1. My Usual Way: point out calmly and politely that he had said something disrespectful. Have him apologize and only half mean it and continue dinner (which I would hate myself for doing for the next week)
2. The Opposite Way: Escalate things. Inform him what he said was unacceptable, get up, walk out and ignore him for a while.
I chose Option #2.
I gave him my strongest "hell hath no fury" eyes as I pushed my chair back and dramatically tossed my napkin onto the table. With a flip of my hair and a few remarks I was out of there, leaving him open-mouthed and astonished.
That night he called me a dozen times and sent a couple of apologetic texts. Now no guy has ever reacted to a fight that way with me. Deciding not to give in too easily, and considering that it was late I decided to sleep and deal with it in the morning. The next morning I awoke and replied to his text informing him that he had disrespected me. After two or three back and forth texts (me keeping it as short and simple as possible, which is the opposite of my usual 3-page essay style of texts) he started to ignore me.
It has been almost an entire day of us ignoring each other which is the longest period so far. Now my old self would initiate a conversation and patch things up but I will see things through and act against my judgement.
How would you have behaved in this situation?
Do you think guys prefer strong women who put them in their place?
this is always hard..i think different men prefer different types of women, but it's always important to say what you are thinking if you feel strongly!
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Chanced upon your blog and enjoy reading it!
ReplyDeleteEmi: you're right, different men do prefer different types of women! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteMichelle J: Thank you, come back soon!